Feeling lost, lonely and poor
I am now in one of the worst times of my life. Ive just completed another course on a learning website only to discover that it is the same old bullshit in a different format. I have these dreams about doing things but they hit the wall of reality and evaporate?
I'm moving from career to career and not really finding anything fulfilling or challenging. I think that's always been my problem. A lack of focus on anything specific. It might actually come from a bad childhood? I was reading about how people that have bad childhoods often are lost in their adulthood. My childhood was one of the worst. I was a kid of neglect, sometimes that is the worst that can happen to you, much worse than abuse. Your parents care a little bit about you if youre abused but neglect they just completely tune you out of their life.
Now at 52 years of life, I'm undergoing the strains of that background and the added stress of fighting my brother in court after my inheritance. My mom is slowly fading away and the asshole who gave me a lot of my problems, my father, is just a babbling idiot now.
I'm poor because I'm living off a credit card and I know that that will wind down to nothing shortly. As a rideshare driver I'm just barely getting by and I know I'll never hit the big money, not even the $1.6 billion jackpot. I refused to buy a ticket for something that has higher odds of winning than being hit by lightning. Ok there is always writing to fall back upon but it takes effort and a lot of work. I'm really too old to start a new job doing something completely different but you gotta eat!
Finally, my wife is as cold as ever....sometimes. I have a little dog that I love profoundly but she seems to have a schizophrenic attitude and will attack me an instant after I have caressed her? I can get no support or love from those around me and I've lost someone that I thought was a good friend?
It's time for a church or god?
I'm moving from career to career and not really finding anything fulfilling or challenging. I think that's always been my problem. A lack of focus on anything specific. It might actually come from a bad childhood? I was reading about how people that have bad childhoods often are lost in their adulthood. My childhood was one of the worst. I was a kid of neglect, sometimes that is the worst that can happen to you, much worse than abuse. Your parents care a little bit about you if youre abused but neglect they just completely tune you out of their life.
Now at 52 years of life, I'm undergoing the strains of that background and the added stress of fighting my brother in court after my inheritance. My mom is slowly fading away and the asshole who gave me a lot of my problems, my father, is just a babbling idiot now.
I'm poor because I'm living off a credit card and I know that that will wind down to nothing shortly. As a rideshare driver I'm just barely getting by and I know I'll never hit the big money, not even the $1.6 billion jackpot. I refused to buy a ticket for something that has higher odds of winning than being hit by lightning. Ok there is always writing to fall back upon but it takes effort and a lot of work. I'm really too old to start a new job doing something completely different but you gotta eat!
Finally, my wife is as cold as ever....sometimes. I have a little dog that I love profoundly but she seems to have a schizophrenic attitude and will attack me an instant after I have caressed her? I can get no support or love from those around me and I've lost someone that I thought was a good friend?
It's time for a church or god?
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